Asking for Help - by Lynn Kloss
I grew up in the 1950s and 1960s. My father was a first generation American whose parents migrated from Germany at the turn of the twentieth century. He ran the family business, which was ornamental ironworks. My mother was a housewife and took that role very seriously. They were hardworking and hard-headed. When my father died of cancer at age 45, my mother was left with three children ages 20, 17, and 7 (me). Aside from support from family members (my mother was one of 8 children – 7 living at the time of her husband’s death), she never seemed to welcome assistance. She went back to school and by the time I was 11, she was working full time as a nurse. She saw her role as working to serve other people – not needing help herself. She learned to manage many things on her own. I matured and tried to follow her example of self-containment.
When I was 33, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The diagnosis was four years coming – and not evident until MRI technology made it easier to diagnose. I struggled with the disease – suffering relapses often brought on by stress due to the fear that enveloped my world now. Looking back, the biggest obstacle was admitting that I sometimes needed help. I did as much as I could to be healthy so that I could be otherwise strong – it worked to varying degrees. I didn’t want to use a handicap placard in my car, I tried to balance without my cane, I tried to do what other women my age could do. I failed most of the time. I finally had to admit that I couldn’t do everything on my own – I needed help. Once I asked for help – from my friends, my employer, my family – I was met with overwhelming responses. I still had a part of me that didn’t want to have to ask, but I learned that people are generous and want to help. There are whole agencies set up to help. I reached out to the MS Society for their assistance; my employer put an office in my home for days when I was unable to drive to work; family and friends stepped in to reassure me and help when I requested it.
When my mother suffered from cancer in her 80s, I reached out to hospice to help my sister manage (she was living near our mother, and I was only there occasionally). It was such a relief to have their help and support. Mother wouldn’t move from her house but knowing there was help available was a godsend. Hospice workers came a few times each week to help with bathing, comfort, and pain management. Knowing we had this assistance that relieved our mother was a balm to the worry that had plagued my sister and me. It allowed us to be present for her and enjoy the closeness of our relationship.
Now that I am in my 70s the MS is much milder, and I’ve learned to cope with it better. Of course, as we age, there are always new challenges to be faced. Thinking back to the help I and my family have received over the years. I still remember the powerful lessons and the relief felt in knowing that it’s okay to ask for and graciously accept help.
Lynn Kloss retired from a career in employee benefit consulting in 2016. She went back to school after retirement to get her Masters in psychology, with an emphasis on geropsychology. She has volunteered with seniors and dementia patients since retiring. She and her husband moved to Fort Collins in 2023. They love the weather and friendly people of Fort Collins. Lynn currently volunteers at the Aspen Club and the Museum of Discover.
