My Heart -by Kirsten Hartman
It came on suddenly in late February this year.
One early morning (around 2:30 am) I woke up with a very fast beating heart rate. I took my blood pressure and was shocked at the reading. I decided to see what would happen if I walked around, drank some water and “relaxed.” After an hour my blood pressure had come down a bit. As I looked outside at the swirling snow, I decided to wait a bit before getting help. I did fall back to sleep and in the morning off to the Emergency Room I went with my husband. Yes, my heart rate was still way above normal, but I was given some medicine and sent home. At the follow up appointment with my primary doctor more tests were ordered and after 2 more ER visits, and a visit with a cardiologist, my blood pressure was finally “under control.”
But what does “under control” really mean? I’d gone up in the number of daily medicines I have to take. In addition, there is the daily process of taking my blood pressure readings. My body had suddenly changed and I did not feel I was in control of anything. Until recently, I would have been considered a healthy woman for my age with slightly high blood pressure that was controlled. My new awareness put me in a new “medical category”.
In addition, these episodes changed my mindset! I was no longer a healthy Baby Boomer, ready to defy old age. Suddenly, the appeal of “healthy classes” was gone as I felt I was much closer to death’s door than I had ever been. Instead of classes, it was time to pull in from activities, look thru my notes on my memorial, clean out old papers, and get my house in order.
That was then. Fortunately, for me and my family, time has moved on. I celebrated my birthday in a new way, as I congratulated myself for reaching a new year. In the morning of my birthday I stood for 10 minutes, looked at myself in the mirror, and I gave myself a hearty congratulations at reaching another birthday. Throughout the day I took time to continue silently congratulating myself.
As an Active Ager, I still wonder about my priorities. How do I shift my goals to be more self - focused yet continue to help others? How do I quiet the guilt that has always been my nemesis saying, “you need to do more for others”? How can I stay engaged with my community, yet have the time and the focus for self –care? I try to be sure to build in more “home time”in my calendar as a way to balance the need to help others and my needs. One step I have taken is to be sure I am getting enough sleep by eliminating a few minutes of late night TV. And yes, I am back taking some of those healthy classes. I have increased my exercise so that I get at least 15 to 20 minutes of walking a day and often more than that. In addition, I am slowly taking some steps to be sure I am eating more heart-healthy food as I have eliminated my favorite butter!
The question is, does your life reflect the new balances that you need? Our changing bodies are an “outward” reminder that we have but one life to lead. May yours be filled with meaningful activities!
Although growing up in New Jersey, Kirsten has spent her adult life in Colorado and New Mexico. She has worked in the oil industry, city council as a legislative aide, as a massage therapist, and as a Real Estate Broker. Her most recent career as a Geriatric Care Manager drew upon her many work experiences and knowledge. In retirement she enjoys gardening, biking, volunteer work and being with her family.
