Leaders, Not Pleasers -by Rebekah Shardy
“No way! Either you’re crazy, or incredibly naïve!” I shrugged, as I never considered those two states of mind mutually exclusive.
That pushback came from a Pride Center member about my plan to train volunteers like me to engage conservative churches in peaceful dialogue about our mutual humanity. My idea was to share stories and listen to their feelings and concerns about LGBTQ people. The goal was not to change minds, but open hearts by finding common ground.
I found my volunteers and demonstrated a process I called ‘Dialogues of Courage.’ First we disarmed our own pain and anger from being judged unfairly by churches. I steered by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s reminder: “You cannot hope to influence anyone for whom you have underlying contempt.” We worked on our own attitudes so we could listen without resentment, assumptions, or defensiveness. If we didn’t, how could we be a credible model for the respect that we desired?
Going bravely into biased churches was not as tough as what one man encountered visiting First People nations – the Mohawk, Cayuga, Onondaga, Seneca- in 14th century northeastern New York. (The Tuscarora came later). These groups shared language and proximity but suspected each other of sorcery as cause of death or hardship, taking revenge on each other through blood feuds. The Peacemaker spoke with each group on the abundance they might enjoy if they worked together. Joined by his Great Law of Peace, they became the united Iroquois Confederacy, still vitally alive today.
It is believed Benjamin Franklin was so impressed with their innovations of voting and collaborative governance that he borrowed their principles toward forming a constitution. Consider how remarkable the Iroquois Confederacy was when so-called ‘civilized’ Europeans still bowed to the ‘divine right of kings,’ without a democratic voice in decisions. While Europe and colonial America’s torture of witches continued, the Iroquois Nation ceased superstitious feuds against each other.
If The Peacemaker had followed the playbook of politics today, he would have agreed with each of the groups that their neighbors were evil, stood by doing nothing while they died in war. Instead, he disagreed, then showed them a better way and gave them tools to do it.
Real leaders don’t soothe and echo the tempestuous emotions they hear from those who need them. They suggest change – not in the enemy, but one’s own self – and are models for that new face of enlightenment. They have a Vision and present it with Courage to help and strengthen the many.
Dialogues of Courage worked. There were tears of emotion, sometimes laughter, but no shouted insults. Our nation contains groups that swear their opponents are not human. Retribution is rewarded with retribution. The Iroquois’ greatest gift to those who outnumbered them and took their land was not material. It was spiritual: wisdom to live together free of fear and division. One we ignore to our peril.
Rebekah Shardy is a professional speaker, poet, playwright and author of "Indivisible: Nature, People, Spirit," and "98 Things a Woman Should Do in Her Lifetime." Creating community is her passion. Rebekah lives in Loveland where she cares for her inspiring elder sister, and a vociferous rescued Savannah.
