I’m Sorry, What? -by Bonnie Shetler
Several years ago I finally acknowledged that it wasn’t that my husband was speaking more softly but that my ears were missing details of the lower range of sound. He has a particularly low pitched voice and while subsequent testing identified the higher range as my problem, cutting off the high end makes the low end sound like a muffled murmur. Our routine pre-breakfast discussions of current events were becoming a challenge for both of us. I accused him of not speaking up, he claimed I wasn’t really listening.
I finally caved when it was clear I consistently needed the volume on the tv or radio to be turned up louder than he needed. I went for the hearing aids. That solved the problem of hearing conversations in an otherwise quiet environment but places like restaurants, crowded rooms or large meetings around a table posed additional challenges even with the hearing aids set to ‘restaurant’ mode. Attendance at music and theatrical performances has become much easier with a new set of Apple ear buds which, after performing their own built in hearing test, provide an effective option to reduce surrounding noise. But they are not especially subtle in appearance and worn out in public they give the impression that I am listening to my own private broadcast rather than to my friends.
Hearing loss has significantly altered my experience of the world around me and my reaction to it. I choose restaurants not only for their cuisine but also for their ambient noise levels. I find loud voices or laughter downright annoying and distracting - not an especially charitable response to folks having animated conversation with friends. The other day we were seated at a small booth across from a larger booth of friends. I overlooked the first prolonged and loud peal of laughter from one of the women but when the second arrived shortly after I picked up my silverware and moved to a distant unassigned table. My husband followed without question and the server politely acknowledged our relocation. In olden days I might have been amused by their enjoyment of each other but that day I was simply irritated.
We rarely watch a movie or streamed program without subtitles. One of our favorite very old detective series is on dvd without benefit of subtitles and honestly, even with hearing assistance, I only catch at best two-thirds of the dialogue. It’s like skimming the pages of a book. I get the gist but not the detail. Frustrating.
I do need to find a way to accommodate this new reality. Tests reveal ‘mild’ hearing loss at the high end. What happens when ‘mild’ becomes ‘moderate’? Do I break down and spend a fortune for some really high-tech aids? I have known others who have done that and still ask for conversations to be repeated or sit quietly at the end of the dinner table. Maybe I should at least try those ear buds in one of those more challenging environments and get over whatever others may think.
Bonnie Shetler is long retired from her private counseling practice and an active volunteer with the Partnership for Age-Friendly Communities.
